He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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