I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
