You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
