We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
