there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
