halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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