Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
