I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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