I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
