Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
