Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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