so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
and you fell through a lawn chair
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
