I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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