I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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