Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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