I could make wine with my vomit
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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