u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
