Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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