she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
