Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
