1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
