I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
