Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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