Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
