Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
