I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
