Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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