"it" just moved
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
