i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
worst night to have a conscience
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
