Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
