I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
