he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
