My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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