i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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