Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
