marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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