how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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