There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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