is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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