She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
