Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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