Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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