god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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