You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
