I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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