he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
