so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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