His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
