Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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