I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
