Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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