I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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