he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
